Cracking the Code of Connection: Unmasking Attachment Styles for a Healthier Relationship Journey

What is attachment? Why are attachment styles important? When do we develop them? 

The term “attachment style” usually evokes one of two opposite reactions from people: an eye roll conveying belittlement or a widening of the eyes conveying interest. Both reactions are understandable, the former probably has to do with the never-ending buzzfeed quizzes claiming to tell you your attachment style, and further media portrayal that makes it seem as though attachment styles are pseudoscience.

However, beyond these surface-level (and mostly unreliable) depictions, attachment styles’ roots are in fact scientific. But before we dive into them, it’s important to understand what we mean by the word “attachment”. In this case, it describes how you relate to others, and there are four main styles proposed by psychology. 

Attachment styles arose from psychologist John Bowlby’s attachment theory, which aims to identify the implications of the different manners to which early caregivers respond to their infants, particularly during times of distress, on future child development. In this lens, attachment styles are viewed as responses to separation from your early primary caregiver. Evidently, these attachment styles are formed in very early childhood, and once established, your style will dictate how you relate in intimate relationships, and even how you parent your children. This is because your style acts as a guide in your feelings, thoughts, and expectations from relationships as an adult. 

Since Bowlby’s research in the 1950s, attachment styles have continued to be an important developmental psychology topic as they aid in understanding ethological models of human development, personality differences, and emotional intelligence. Ergo, the power of attachment in shaping our lives is a fascinating, and very real phenomenon. Since they are formed in early childhood and have lasting effects on how we conduct our adult relationships, by understanding your own style you have the potential of gaining insight into your childhood development, of clarifying your own emotional limitations as an adult, and of learning how to improve attachment security in order to benefit your relationships. 

What are the different attachment styles?

1.Secure attachment 

This style describes a person who trusts themselves and, generally, others. Likewise, they are comfortable relying on themselves and others, when needed. They also set appropriate boundaries in their relationships to maintain a healthy mental, physical, and emotional state. 

Generally, this style develops as a result of a child feeling supported by their family. This person’s family responds warmly to them and encourages exploration. The child grew up feeling loved and loveable. The child learns they can rely on both themselves and others.

2.Anxious attachment 

This style describes a person who trusts others more than themselves. Likewise, they tend to rely more on others and have trouble setting and maintaining relationship boundaries. 

Generally, this style develops as a result of a child craving more closeness and attention from their family. This person tends to feel their emotions intensely and requires reassurance from others in their relationships. The child grew up feeling unlovable and is afraid of abandonment. 

3.Avoidant attachment 

This style describes a person who trusts and relies solely on themselves. They tend to minimize their need for relationships. Their boundaries are synonymous with walls, which function to keep others at a distance. 

Generally, this style develops as a result of a child learning to rely on themselves due to how their family functioned. Consequently, this person deals with their emotions on their own and won’t turn to others for help. 

4.Disorganized attachment 

This style describes a person who wants to trust others but has a deep-rooted fear of getting hurt. This fear causes a fluctuation between approach and avoidance behaviors towards others. 

Generally, this style develops as a result of an inconsistent or unpredictable family dynamic. This person views and feels relationships as confusing. The child grows up feeling unsure of who to rely on. These people want to be close to others but are fearful of being abandoned. 

Evidently, attachment styles can have lasting effects on how people approach and maintain their relationships. However, they are NOT permanent. Once you’ve become aware of your attachment style and understand why it developed, you are able to begin making changes toward establishing a more secure attachment style.

It’s worthwhile to note that therapists are able to help you decisively identify which attachment style you possess, as sometimes it can be challenging to be conscious of one’s own attachment behaviours. Moreover, they’re equipped to help you work through any painful or traumatic childhood experiences that are inhibiting you from forming a more secure attachment style. At the very least, they can help you devise goals as to how you’ll develop healthier attachment behaviours. 

For more information on counselling services for attachment styles and relationships please contact us. We offer free consultations and are eager to help. We encourage you to pick up the phone and call, or email our clinic – whether to set up a consultation, schedule an appointment, or simply learn about our services. Let us help you gain the skills to form healthier relationships, ultimately helping you live a better, more healthy life

Discover the Path to Healthier Relationships - Contact Us Today!

Are you looking for guidance and support to navigate attachment styles and improve your relationships? At Better Days Counselling & Psychotherapy, we offer counselling services tailored to your unique needs. Take advantage of our FREE consultations and see how we can help you on your journey toward healthier relationships. Pick up the phone or email us now to set up a consultation, schedule an appointment, or simply learn about the wide range of services we offer. Our dedicated team of skilled professionals is committed to walking alongside you, as you unlock the secrets to living a fulfilling and healthy life.

Stop settling for unfulfilling relationships - reach out to us today and experience the transformative power of our counselling services. Together, we can pave the way to a brighter future, filled with love, understanding, and profound connections.

Reach us at info@betterdaystherapy.com or (289) 818-5195.

Sources: 

https://www.psychalive.org/what-is-your-attachment-style/#:~:text=Understanding%20your%20style%20of%20attachment,relationship%20with%20your%20own%20children.

Co-Author: Angelica Saragosa